Lost and Found

Been awhile bloggers. So much has happened.some good...most bad. Worried sick about a friend. didnt respond to emails or txts. Nasty, horrible things ran thru my mind. Mainly he was gone.I cried so much.I care very much for this person. I know Id just fall apart if something happened to him. But, hes ok, kinda. All I need to know that hes going to be ok. And my job is to be there if he needs me.
On the other hand...I lost something dear to my heart. He chose a different path without me. I truly hopes he finds happiness. but I still miss that AM.

How do I face inner and outer demons? My inner demons battle everyday. Sometimes I win...sometimes they do. Those are the days that are the darkest. I hate things about myself.Hell, I dont know if I even like myself most of the time. I should be happy with the things I have been given. But I feel i have to sell my soul to even wakeup tomorrow.I lose myself in music. Daydream about the shoulda, woulda, coulda.
I feel isolated and alone.I have a few friends. But they dont want to here bad stuff.
Would it be easier if I was gone? I cant answer that. But, Do I Matter to anyone??
Thats what I need to know..Am I Valued?
When others come to me and ask for help..I always say my magic wand broke about an hour ago. But who has a magic wand for me?
I hate this so much. I wanna be a normal person. I want MY life back. But all falls on deaf ears. Who can fix me...when I dont even know where to start.
Yeah I know-pretty sad state of affairs. If I can wake up tomorrow,,,as a great guy once said--just try and keeps those plates spinning and dont break them...hah im using paper plates now...I Hope and pray for my superhero guy. He matters.
so i just keeping spinning for now....and hope.

cœur mort

Ressenti depuis longtemps les désirs, les espoirs aussi longtemps que vain -
tristes soupirs - larmes lentes habitué à courir triste
en tant que de nombreuses rivières comme deux yeux pourrait ajouter,
versant comme des fontaines, sans fin comme la pluie -
la cruauté au-delà de l'humanité, une douleur
si fort que ça rend fou étoiles compassion
de pitié: ce sont les premières passions que j'ai eu.
Pensez-vous que l'amour pouvait racine dans mon âme encore?
Si l'arc voûté grand retour sur moi,
m'a léché à nouveau avec le feu, et m'a poignardé profonde
avec le pire violence, aussi horrible que avant,
les blessures qui m'ont coupé everwhere garderait
me blindé, il n'y aurait pas de place libre
pour l'amour. Il me couvre. Il peut percer plus.

This is what my Horoscope said Today...crack me up!!

A hundred years from now, a problem that is weighing on your mind will be absolutely meaningless. Keep that in perspective as you deal with the stress you are causing yourself over a certain issue. You have a choice to let go of something that you cannot control. So many wonderful things are going on in your life now, and even more amazing changes are coming as well - so put aside anything that isn't positive and life-affirming. Instead of wondering how you will cope with a certain difficulty, ponder how much you will enjoy upcoming changes.

if youre reading this

The previous post is for lost friends and loved ones. Ive been reminded by a close friend of the sacrafices made everyday. And the sadness every soldier brings home.My family has been Navy for a long time. I have several friends that have been or are going to war.To all my EOD guys...make sure to duck.LOL. May God keep you in his Graces and Favours. And bring you ALL home safe, sound and blessed.

And to anyone who might read this-Thank a soldier or two.Say a prayer or many. Smile when you see a uniform. Buy them a beer or a drink. Offer a hand when needed. Never forget them. Even those that have been left behind.Say Welcome Home with Love.


Thanks Guys and Gals for all that you do. and all that you have done!!!

IF YOU'RE READING THIS

If you're reading this
My Mommas sittin there
Looks like I only got a one way ticket over here
Sure wish I
Could give you one more kiss
And war was just a game we played when we were kids

I'm laying down my gun
I'm hanging up boots
I'm up here with God and we're both watching over you

So lay me down
In that open field out on the edge of town
And know my soul
Is where my momma always prayed
That it would go
And if you're reading this
I'm already home

If you're reading this
Half way around the world
I wont be there
To see the birth of our little girl
I hope she looks like you
I hope she fights like me
Stand up for the innocent and weak

I'm laying down my gun
I'm hanging up boots
Tell dad I don't regret that I followed in his shoes


If you're reading this
Theres going to come a day
When you'll move on
And find some one else
And that's OK
Just remember this
I'm in a better place
Where soldiers live in peace
And angels sing amazing grace

So lay me down
In that open field out on the edge of town
And know my soul
Is where my momma always prayed
That it would go
And if you're reading this
I'm already home

YOU'RE LIKE COMING HOME

Ridin' restless under a broken sky
Weary traveler, something missin' inside
Always lookin' for a reason to turn around

Desperate for a little peace of mind
Just a bit of what I left behind
Well, I found it now
Oh, you're like coming home

You're like a Sunday morning, pleasin' my eyes
You're a mid-summer's dream under a star-soaked sky
That peaceful, easy feelin' at the end of a long, long road
You're like comin' home
You're like comin' home
You're like comin' home

Go ahead let your hair fall down
The wanderlust is gone now
Here in your arms
I'm safe from the world again

These are the days that can't be erased
Baby, there isn't a better place
You're like Heaven
Oh, you're like comin' home

Oh...
You're that innocence
That serenity
That long lost part of me

You're like a Sunday morning, pleasin' my eyes
You're a mid-summer's dream under a star-soaked sky
That peaceful, easy feelin' at the end of a long, long road

Oh, you're like comin' home

SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high,
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I